I have grown to LOVE internal conflict because I know what is on the other side – BIG GROWTH.
This past week I coached two female advisors who were experiencing that same internal frustration. While, in many cases, the angst seemed to come from outside sources, I recognize that the real source is within you.
My client Ann is always so energized. Her business is on a strong upward trajectory, and she is excited about her future. She has been asked to speak to several women’s groups acting as role models and examples of success. She volunteers to train other advisors in her branch and truly has a desire to see everyone succeed. While I appreciate this team attitude, I have been trying to get her to focus more on her business and less on everyone else’s success, and I may have gotten my wish.
Recently, several incidences within her work environment have hurt her feelings, made her angry, and caused her tremendous stress. She has lost some of her mojo and feels like avoiding her business which is so unlike her. These negative feelings are so contrary to her nature they are creating even greater internal conflict. She is angry because she sees others changing and not appreciating her loyalty and contribution.
While she sees the source of the issues coming from others, I see the source as coming from within her, she is about to make a HUGE shift in her business that will be way more productive, yet she keeps hanging on to her old scripts and model as the way things should be done. I let her vent, and when she was finished, I told her the problem isn’t them; it is YOU.
When you work closely with others, we all develop a dance, we step together and sway together, we all know the steps you step this way, and I know you’re going to step that way, it becomes very comfortable, and we all seem comfortable with the progress. BUT when someone decides they want to change the dance steps, it can quickly frustrate those around you.
You know it‘s time to change. You’re ready to make a positive shift in your business, recognize a new approach, or replace old habits and behaviors with new ones that will take you and your business to a higher place. This is when you are changing the dance steps.
YOU are no longer acting or behaving the way you always have (you are growing!), but it’s as if you changed the dance steps. They really want you to come back to the old steps because everything feels out of synch as you change. It may get so uncomfortable for them (depending on how much they want to stay in their comfort zone) that your relationship may change altogether.
The conflicts and challenges you are experiencing now are just GROWING PAINS.
Yep, you heard me! You are changing, and that is a great thing. It may mean your relationships with friends and colleagues change but perhaps, given time and your ability to change and grow; you will become an inspiration to them.
Instead of feeling hurt, realize they are in fear of losing who you were. Instead of feeling anger, understand that their behavior is driven by fear, fear of change.
As you experience these new feelings, release yourself of any expectations and relish in the fact that YOU are on your way to success you never dreamed possible.